are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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