And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
