Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
