You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
