Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
