I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
