the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
