Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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