I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
