In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
