I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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