I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
