oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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