The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
