Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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