i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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