dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
