What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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