I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My balls are so social today.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
