I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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