i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
