Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
