i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
