You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
