somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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