It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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