i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
