I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
