so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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