I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
