Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Someone shit on the floor
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
