false alarm. still invincible.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
