someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
