Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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