hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
