i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
