I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
