I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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