you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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