taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
