I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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