I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
