I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
