Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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