its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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