Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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