you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
