brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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