Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
