Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we're making bets on your personal life
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
