Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
