Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
