Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
